Chance

    Yesterday was great. I woke up and had a phone interview with a major company. I got my financial check from my previous employer and took it to the bank. I got news that my cousin was having her baby. I went shopping for a new outfit and fashion magazines because I got a call back from the recruiter that I got an in-person interview on Monday!
    It was the best day I've had in a while. It was topped off by a fun game night at my friends Jennifer and Chris's house. I haven't been around many people since I got fired. Mostly by choice. I was feeling feel like I wasn't going to be very good company. Yesterday was the first time I felt really good about being with people (other than family). Today, unfortunately, I have regressed.
     I'm so sad. I'm brokenhearted. I've lost so much recently. I don't know how to recover. I don't know where to go. Last night I was so sure I was going to stay here in California, but today I just want to curl up at home in Portland in my mommy's arms. I know I can't really ask anyone else for help. I mean advice and input are good, but in the end, the decision is mine alone. I feel alone. I am alone.
    I'm sure whatever I decide I'll be ok, I just hate feeling this way. I haven't recovered from all the loss. I don't feel strong enough to make a major life decision. I'm terrified I'm going to make the wrong one; like I'm going to miss out on something amazing because I made three wrong choice. Shit! Maybe I should just flip a coin to decide my fate. Just flip it, and leave everything to chance....