Yo-yo!

     Friday was such a great day, but yesterday I fell back into a hole. I tried all the things that usually make me happy: yummy food, got dressed up, saw a great film. Nothing is working. Drinking at this point is probably a bad idea. I friend's birthday party is tonight, but I feel to down to go. Me, not wanting to go to a party! It's ridiculous! I don't know how to shake this gloom.
     That night I had decided to stay in California. I think it may have been the buzz from getting an interview. But I don't know for some reason yesterday morning and all day I just I couldn't seem to be happy with anything. Nothing new has happened; nothing's changed, but I think just maybe sometimes I am unable to shake the fact that I have this huge life decision to make and I really honestly don't know what to do! I'm so shaken by all that's happened. My confidence is shot. I'm totally terrified.
     I feel like I've just lost a major battle and I have to decide whether to fight another day, or just concede. I have options, but I just feel like I can't decided anything and that no matter what I'm going to lose out on something. Of course, with any decision we miss out on something or another, I'm just afraid that I will miss out on something amazing or end up regretting my choice. A friend of mine asked me what I want to so with the rest of my life. I honestly don't know. I'm torn between staying in California and making decent money, enjoying the sun, and having a job I'll like, maybe even love. Or going back to Oregon making less money, enjoying my family and friends back home, and having a job that's been a dream of mine for years. It's a toss up at this point. I think what I'll do is try to relax, kill this interview tomorrow, and see what happens from there. I wish I were less indecisive. I think.... Eboni