I had another meltdown last night. They come and go. Like acid flashbacks or war memories. A dark cloak of sadness, regret, loneliness, and panic surrounds me and chokes me. I cry. I sob. I fall asleep having found no way out. No solace. I wish these episodes don't happen, but after all I've been through, and my already fragile mental health, I can't escape. The only thing I can do is accept that this it's a going to happen and ride it out. But that's so much easier to say when it's not happening.
Today I feel better, but I'm still overwhelmed by the move. I think once I start really getting things done, I'll feel better. The catch is to actually get motivated to start! I think I'm getting there. Hanging out with friends has really been helping me get out of my head. It's really mostly on my own when I start to panic. I'm so very fortunate to have the people on my life that I do. However, I can't rely on them (you) alone to get me through this tumultuous time in my life. I have to recover internally as well. Oh, so, hard!
I don't know exactly where to go or what to do to heal my mind, so I'm staring with my body. I'm getting a massage today, then going to yoga with a friend. I think physical activity and healing will help to jump start emotional healing. At least I hope so. I'm open to ideas I'd you have them. That's all for today. Thanks for reading!
-Eboni
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